Wednesday, April 30, 2008

An Untangled Life

My grandmother “Ollie” was always quoting witty sayings and old wives’ tales. Her best remembered advice was to be sure to wash your hands in the May dew on the first day of May. She said by doing this the things in your life will not be tangled. I’m not sure I understand what that means. One thing for sure is that after I do that each May first, I never wake up with all my fingers tied in square knots. I guess the advice works. Since it is the last day in April, Tim, Sue, and I will remind each other to be sure and wash our hands in the May dew tomorrow morning. We figure that we have nothing to lose, and we’d rather be safe than sorry by renewing our yearly life "unentanglement" insurance every May first.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

How Can This Be?

Like any normal kid, I tended to be very literal minded. Oh, um, on second thought, if any of you have been reading my stories of my childhood on my website, you will know that my kid life was anything but normal. Be that as it may, being literal minded had some very curious and frightening repercussions indeed. Take for example nursery rhymes and kid songs. When I heard "Rock A bye Baby", I wondered why anyone would put a baby in a cradle on top of a tree. Sounds rather dangerous to me since the song warned that if the wind blew; the cradle would come crashing down baby and all. Then there was Jack Sprat who could eat no fat. Now that I understand, but what about his wife eating no "lean"? What exactly is "lean"? Then in another kid's song, it stated that London Bridge is falling down and was apparently caused by someone's "Fair Lady". Now, what about Jack and Jill going up a hill to a well to get a pail of water. When Jack fell down, he broke his "crown". Did that mean he was a king? Moreover, if so, why didn't he have one of his servants get the water, thus preventing his crown being broken? At least he should have sent Jill since in those days women always obeyed the men. It's no wonder I turned out to be a neurotic adult!

Monday, April 28, 2008

What’s Past is Past

Whatever happed to the past tense these days? Whenever I read or hear someone relate a story about past events, they always use the plural to state the past tense. Let me give an example: “A guy goes into a dentist’s office and says he needs to see the dentist. Just then the dentist comes in…” Well, you get the idea. This use of the plural to state the past has always puzzled and irked me. Why can’t people just say it correctly: “A guy went into a dentist’s office and said he needed to see the dentist. Just then the dentist came in…” I can just imagine the reaction of my old High School English teacher, Miss Purcell, if one of us would have used the plural to state the past tense in front of her! She was a strict old gal, but to this day, I always use proper English. Well, at least I got one thing out of High School other than perpetual detention. The wonders never cease!

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Cats Revisited

Ah yes, more cat stuff from a guy that likes cats. (Pssst, do not repeat this to any guys who know me or I'll deny I said it). After all, I have a "macho" image to uphold. Just before I sat down to type yet another exciting entry to my blog, one of the cats indicated through a rather rude loud obnoxious "meow" that it was hungry. I dutifully gave it a "glob" of Nine Lives canned cat food. One curious thing I've noticed throughout the years is that cats never finish all their food. Now dogs, on the other hand, always eat every bit of their food and even lick the bowl clean. Do any of you, my beloved readers, have any explanation for this rather bizarre phenomenon? Just wondering.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Say What?

With frivolous lawsuits so prevalent these days, manufacturers have taken extraordinary precautions to avoid goofy lawsuits because of possible misuse of their products. For example, I had a hankering for cheddar cheese and wheat crackers recently and purchased both. I happen to spot cheddar cheese in a pressure can and figured that would be convenient. That way, I would not have to cut a bunch of small squares of cheese from a slice to top the crackers. A few nights ago, I remembered the cheese and crackers and went to get them. Just for the fun of it, I read the instructions because I was curious as to why a pressure can of cheddar cheese needed instructions. I almost fell off my chair when I read the instructions. Here is word for word what they said, "Directions: For best results, remove cap, hold applicator tip close to food, press tip firmly, and move slowly across food surface". Good grief! I am sure glad I read the instructions first or I would have left the cap on before I used the can! Interestingly enough, these were about the ONLY instructions I've seen recently that weren't in Spanish and French in addition to English. Apparently, only English speaking Americans need to be told to remove the cap before using.

Friday, April 25, 2008

The Answer to Frustration! (at least one anyway)

Once in a great while I offer some actual useful information on this Blog, which proves the old adage that even a blind hog finds and ear of corn now and then. How many of us have ever tried to call some big corporation and actually talk to a real person for information or heaven forbid technical assistance. I found a way to get a real person right from the start. Yeah, I know what you are thinking, "In your dreams", right! Well, my skeptical friends, read on. If you are tired of trying to communicate with some "voice recognition" computer, or being sent to one extension after another and then being put on indefinite hold until your phone batteries go dead, then bookmark this link! I cannot guarantee that you will always get a definitive answer to your problem, but at least you will be able to vent your frustrations to a real person instead of a "voice recognition" computer that never has the right choices and doesn’t recognize profanity when you get really upset. Now doesn't this bit of invaluable information make it all worthwhile muddling through all my ranting and raving in this Blog! I thought so!!! Feel free to post flattering comments voicing your undying gratitude the next time you have to call one of the listed corporations and get right through to an actual living human being. Oh, one caveat; the place where you are trying to get a real person has to be on the list. If it is not, then I leave you to your own frustrations.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Arbor Day

Whatever happened to Arbor Day? I checked the calendar and did not see it listed. I recall that is sometime in the spring. After further research, I found that each state has a different day for Arbor Day. Ah Huh! Now it makes sense why it is not listed on a calendar. Arbor Day in Ohio is on the last Friday of April. Well, now I know. When I was in school in "past years" (that sounds better and softens the blow than saying when I was in school in the 1950s and 60s), we always celebrated Arbor Day. Each year the senior class had a tree planting ceremony on the front yard of the school. It always looked odd to see one of the seniors wearing a suit and tie giving a short speech while other senior class guys were planting a small tree. A concrete tablet was then put on the ground in front of the tree stating the year it was planted. One day last fall, I took a walk in the front yard of the school. It was interesting looking at all of the tablets stating what year the Arbor Day tree was planted. They all said, "Senior Class of 19--". I found our class tree planted by my senior class in 1966. Oddly, after 42 years, it was just a small sapling. I wondered if its growth was stunted by being around cigarette smoke when it was a sapling, or it died and was replaced. No one seems to know. I checked this year's school calendar and did not see any Arbor Day activities listed for April 25, which is the last Friday in April. I suspect that Arbor Day has been replaced by Earth Day, whatever and whenever that is. Does anyone know? In addition, if anyone knows why the Class of 1966 Arbor Day tree was replaced, please let me know! There must be a logical answer. I sure hope so because now I am wondering if I am in some kind of a "Twilight Zone" time warp or something!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Lighter Stuff

Well, so much for politics for now. We will touch on that in later rantings. (umm, I mean posts.) Let’s talk about cats. I’m one of the few men who like cats and admit it. My present barn cat count is 15 cats. Wait a minute! As of this morning it is 21 cats. Two of the female barn cats had kittens last night. I’m just going to have to chase away that old gray tomcat who keeps seducing my female barn cats. I have named him Hugh Hefner. As I am typing this latest entry on my new laptop, one of the house cats is nestled up beside me. Sometimes the house cats walk on the typing keys while I am typing. I’m very thankful for the ease of correcting typing errors with these modern word processors. Otherwise I would be stuck with words like wnzxu#m&o in my stories and blog entries. As they so aptly say, “Dogs have masters, cats have servants”. As a matter of fact, I hear “Punky” meowing at the door to go out. I’ll have to post this entry now and go let him out. Servants Indeed!

Treading on Thin Ice

They say never discuss religion or politics. I intend on discussing both here now and then. Blogs are supposed to generate opinions and thought. Among the many great things about this country is we can openly discuss these things. I really appreciate the comments and feed back so far. All of you have made some excellent points. We may not all agree but we can disagree without being disagreeable. Indeed, those of us who are conservatives on the right can find common ground with those on the left. Oh no! Another right wing blog site :-)

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


There is plenty of evidence to show that global warming is a hoax. Many scientists are debunking this myth that has been perpetrated on us by the liberal democrats. Why do they do this? It's to give them more power over our lives with big government and the loss of more and more of our God given Constitutional rights. This is all part of their socialist communist philosophy. Look up "global warming hoax" with your favorite search engine and you will discover the truth. If this country is ignorant enough to elect either of the 2 commie socialists democrats, our beloved country will be doomed to become a third world socialistic satellite of the USSR. One of the biggest errors is socialized health care. Look at Canada and the United Kingdom. Throughout history with no acceptations, Socialism has failed wherever it is implemented. Check out the other side and get the truth on all of this! Barack "Insane" "Abomintion" is the most liberal presidential candidate in our history and "Sillery" is not far behind. Either one will destroy our beloved country. I will elaborate much more in future blog postings.

Let's get started!

Well, the main thing on my mind at this very moment is testing just how this thing works. This is my first blog and I'm slowly working my way through it. I may have to "tweak" some settings to get this the way I prefer it so bear with me as I muddle through all this. The next entry will be the start of all kinds of cool stuff!

The Maiden Entry

Welcome to my Blog. From time to time the whole world will be able to glean wisdom from the hidden archives of my creative brain dust. This blog is an extra feature and extension of my world famous web site You will definitely want to subscribe to the RSS feed below so you can keep track of all of my latest rants (err I mean postings). If you have any problems, let me know and I will show you how to do it. The link is on the bottom of the page and it says "Subscribe to".