Pardon My “Backfire”

I heard something last night that I haven’t heard in years. About 10 PM I heard a big noise something like a firearm going off. That’s not unusual for us since we often fire our rifles, shotguns, and pistols from the porch at night at pesky woodchucks or skunks. I peered out the door and suddenly heard another explosion. This time it had a deep bass sound like a big mortar firing. The next morning I ask Tim about it and he saw that it was a truck backfiring as it slowed to turn down the intersection east of our place.

This is very unusual in this day and age because all engines are run by a computer and I haven’t heard any backfiring in several years. It must have been a very old truck I assume.

When we were kids, long before engine computers, we used to love backfires. There were two ways to produce backfires. One was by removing the “vacuum” advance hose on our car engines. As a result, several neat backfires would ensue while slowing down for a turn. The other way was the best, but often resulted in dire consequences. This was performed while traveling at highway speeds, then turning off the ignition key for a few seconds, then turning it back on. The result would be a gigantic backfire that sounded like a cannon going off! Unfortunately now and then it would blow our mufflers apart. Oh well, a small price to pay for a cool backfire. When our mufflers exploded as a result, we would just go the Norwalk Bargain Center and buy a new Cherry Bomb muffler for 5 dollars.

My one regret is that I turned off my ignition while going very fast one time and blew up both of my beloved dual glass pack mufflers. Most agreed that my dual glass pack mufflers on my 1955 Ford had the coolest sound around in 1966. Cherry Bomb mufflers never sounded the same after that. Oh well, the backfire was one of my all time best since it was in stereo and all our friends who heard it were impressed and said I was “cool”. I guess it was worth 10 dollars to be cool for a few minutes.

The pics below are of my 1955 Ford that I had in 1966. Note the cool duals with the glass pack mufflers before I blew them up!!!! :-(

My Other Halve(s)

I recently I did a Facebook search of my own name and found that there are 4 others on Facebook with the same name as mine!!!! All these years I thought I was the only one in the world with my name. Now I wonder if I am schizophrenic. Aha! That would explain why my psychiatrist always charges me only half his hourly rates for each of my sessions.

Now if I could only find one more guy with my name I could play basketball by myself and have a whole team! I guess schizophrenia has its advantages indeed!

Well at least now we know.

More later…
Mike, Mike, Mike, and Mike ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-)

One Wish

We all have fantasies of what we would wish for if some genie appeared out of some lamp and granted us one wish. In my case hopefully there would be no small print that prohibits from asking for more wishes. On the other hand, I’m sure any genie that is legitimate would have this contingency covered.

If I were to get unlimited wishes, among them would be to have the whole 43 episodes of the Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote cartoon series on DVD. In my lowly opinion, these are the funniest cartoons ever made. I have been enjoying watching them on YouTube which as far as I’m concerned is a very constructive way to wile away these cold snowy days of winter. However, it would sure be a lot more convenient to watch them on a TV screen rather than my laptop screen.

Now that I think about it and ponder relative to this “any wish thing”, I have doubts as to whether I would use my one wish wisely. I can picture the scenario now. Let us say that I was climbing a mountain in Tibet and as I reached the very peak above the clouds, I spied an old Guru who held all of the wisdom of the ages. As I approached him and stood in awe, he would grant only me the answer to one and only one question such as the key to world peace or the cure for any disease. I can see it now, as I stood before him in awe, I would be thinking of the one question that would benefit all mankind. Knowing myself, I would probably ask him, “Do you wear boxers or briefs?”

Alas, for the benefit of the world and all mankind, one can only hope that I would not be the very first person to stumble across that guy!

And now beloved readers, I shall go back to YouTube and watch another Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote cartoon. By the way, does anyone know what the “E.” means in Wile E. Coyote’s middle name? Aha! Now if I were to meet that Guru, I will certainly have a legitimate question to ask! Certainly, the whole world would like to know what his middle name is!
!!!Mike!!!

“Facing” The Facts

Well, as if I don’t have enough obsessions already, my twin brother got me into Facebook.com! That’s all I need are more obsessions. I’ll just have to add this latest obsession to the long list of my other obsessions including: Jeeps, horses, cats, reading, writing, boots, my web site, this Blog, pod casting, and a whole gaggle of other obsessions only my psychiatrist knows about and some even he has never heard of.

I must admit that I am really having fun in the fascinating world of on line social networking. You can check it out at www.facebook.com and look me up. I need all the Facebook friends I can get just like in real life. (I just hope I will have more success on finding Facebook friends than I do in real life.)

On second thought, it would probably be easier if you just emailed me and I will send you an invitation to join Facebook.com and then take you into my care as a Facebook friend, which involves a little less “red tape”.
Use this email to contact me with your request:
zukeyjuice-mikesblog@yahoo.com

In order to avoid overloading the Yahoo email servers with thousands of emails to me to be my Facebook friend, please use the following schedule:

For middle names beginning with A – G send your emails between 1:42 – 1:59 AM. For middle names beginning with H – L send emails between 2:06 – 2:11 AM. For middle names beginning with M – Q send emails between 2:12 – 2:19 AM. For middle names beginning with R – Z send emails between 2:21 – 3:05 AM. If you have no middle name, then send me your email requests between 3:38 – 4:01 AM.

I’ll be looking for you!

Your (future) friend?...
::M::

I Finally Found It!

No, not my sanity. Dream on fans. For quite a while, I have been trying to find free software to download YouTube videos. I finally stumbled onto something that does it on line with no software to download.

If you would like to download any YouTube video on your hard drive to save and watch anytime on your favorite media player, check out
www.zamzar.com It not only downloads on line videos from YouTube, but others as well. You can also convert any files including the weird ones such as ogg, aac, ac3, and some others I have never heard of. It converts stuff into mp3, wav, wmv, etc. It also converts all kinds of other files and does other cool stuff! Check it out! The best feature is that it is free and that is good enough for me.

(And you were thinking I never have anything useful on my Blog!)
***Mike***

Some "Juicy" Bit of News!

Now and then, I go to different stores for one reason or another. In doing so, I sometimes find items that are not stocked by the stores I normally patronize. While browsing around Drug Mart this morning I found Donald Duck brand fruit juice in a big tin can. I have not seen this since I was a kid and I assumed that they stopped making it years ago. It took me back to that time. I immediately purchased a can of it. When I am finished drinking the juice, I intent to clean out the can and keep it when I wax nostalgic, which is very often indeed.

In the world of the same old present day brands, it sure is refreshing to see a brand from my child hood for a change!

Now if I could find Bonomo Turkish Taffy, that would really make my day!

I have been having fun surfing YouTube and finding old TV commercials from my youth. To this day, I sometimes get the following song in my head and it stays there all day! It more than likely will stay in your head all day too! Remember, obsession loves company ;-) Check it out! (Note: if you do not have high speed Internet access, you will have to click on the pause button until the video loads.)

“Monopolizing” My Thoughts

I have never been, am not now, nor will ever be a “winter person”. As a result; I have been spending an inordinate amount of time inside during this cold and snowy weather.

Since I rarely watch TV, preferring to read instead, in between books, I have been spending more time on my laptop and exploring many things on the Internet. During my course of surfing, I have been checking out all the things that Yahoo offers. One section I have been camping out in has been Yahoo Games which, needless to say, has all kinds of games. One particular game that caught my attention was Monopoly. I down loaded it and played one game. After finishing it and losing, I came to the conclusion that playing electronic Monopoly is not nearly as much fun as playing on a real board with real dice, etc. This would explain why I’ve always preferred empirical items rather than electronic ones.

The computer version of Monopoly has absolutely no equal to the fun we used to have playing as kids on a real board. In the computer version one can not physically perform things such as rolling the dice and have them fall off the table. Neither can I “stash money” to later overwhelm my opponents when they think I could not afford to put hotels on Park Place and Boardwalk Ave. When I played as a kid, I would often volunteer to be the banker so I could attempt to embezzle funds. When I wasn’t the banker, I would attempt to rob the bank when my funds were low. Unfortunately I had no way to embezzle funds or rob the electronic bank.

I would invite my readers to check out the following link to one of my old stories about playing Monopoly as a kid, which will render much more detail about playing Monopoly on a real board:

http://www.quarterhorse3.us/monopolizing_our_time.html

“Opening” Remarks

I’ve noticed these days that more and more cans now have pull tab openers. First it was beverage cans that started off with pull tabs, thus making metal beverage can openers obsolete. Now it’s getting more and more evident that soon can openers will be an endangered species. In spite of the fact that the older I get, the more I resist change, this is one change that I laud. One big reason is tuna fish cans. I’ll sure be glad when they finally come with pull off tops. It has always been an irritant to me that every time I open a can of tuna, the can opener smells like tuna for weeks. Just in case you’re wondering, I always wash the opener in hot sudsy water, but it never seems to do any good until the tuna aroma finally fades away on its own. It’s like cutting onions or being sprayed by a skunk, it just takes time for the smell to pass in spite of repeated washings. The one big difference between waiting for onion smell on my hands to naturally pass is that unlike a skunk smell, I don’t lose friends. One the other hand, one consolation for skunk smell is that I can always find a back seat in church.

Since it is inevitable that in the future can openers will be obsolete, I intend to save some for posterity. In several years they are sure to be very valuable especially to a can opener collector or to someone who has old cans socked away that still need an opener.

As I get older, I get wiser. I remember when I was a kid, my grandmother was always telling me, “The things of today are the antiques of tomorrow”. I sure wished now that I would have listened to her. If I had, today I would either be very wealthy or have the biggest collection of junk in Berlin Township. Therefore, in light of that, I am starting to save things here and there that I’m sure will be “the antiques of tomorrow”. Years ago I saved a Rubik’s Cube in the box unopened because I was sure that one in that pristine state would be very valuable someday. Unfortunately, I misplaced it years ago! Oh well, whoever finds it will make a lot of money no doubt.

In order to prevent loss, I’m planning to put a few brand new can openers in their original unopened packages in my safety deposit box at the bank. I have no doubt they will be valuable someday, at least in China. I’m very pleased that I am finally getting far sighted and practical in my old age, although in the opinion of many people that’s still debatable. If I’m mistaken, at least I’ll become an expert poker player in the distant future. I’ll be able to show my “openers”. I’ll bet the other players won’t be able to do that!

~<Mike>~

Safe Bicycling

I’m making great progress on my winter exercise program on my recumbent stationary bicycle. I’m now “riding” 201 feet, 4 ½ inches, which is 0.038 miles, which sounds much further and thus much more encouraging than feet. By April 1st, I’m planning and working hard to be up to 212 feet, 2 1/8 inches which is 0.040 miles which is a nice round number and a worthy but difficult goal for me. I am confident I can reach this goal by hard work each day.

While doing research on the Internet about riding bicycles, they highly recommend wearing a bicycle helmet for riding safety. Since I do not own a bicycle helmet, I figured my motorcycle helmet would suffice. Now I can have confidence that I can ride my stationary recumbent bike in my living room in ultimate safety.

Mike ;-)

No Switch Switch

Remember in the good old days when everything had an on/off switch. However, I have noticed in the last several years that most powered things these days do not have an on/off switch. I’m sure it is obvious that this is a cost saving device used by manufacturers.

As a result of this cost cutting (i.e. cheapness), it causes a great deal of aggravation to the consumer, it least it does to THIS consumer. For example, I recently obtained a snazzy digital cooking timer which of course has no on/off switch. The directions state: "In order to save batteries when not in use, remove one of the batteries". This little marvel of Chinese engineering has 4 batteries. Removing the rear battery compartment door and removing and installing one of the batteries before and after each use is a real pain in the neck, not to mention the fingers! Part of the major conspiracy by non on/off switch manufacturers is not only putting batteries in and out before and after every use, but have you ever tried to remove battery covers. No easy task if you have very short finger nails like I do. This cooking timer has 5 different timers including one for each burner and an oven timer! This also creates a mystery as to why there are 5 separate timers and 4 batteries.

Of course we all have several things without on/off switches these days and I’m sure I am voicing universal aggravation. It wouldn’t surprise me to find that someday everything will lack an on/off switch. As far as I’m concerned that would a real emotional “turn off”. (After removing a battery of course).

M-I-K-E

For Guys Only!

If I had to surrender all of my DVDs and had the option to keep only 1 series, it would unequivocally be The Three Stooges. I have been watching them on either TV or DVD for 50 years. During this entire time, I have never tired of watching them. For the most part, all their fans have been dominated by guys. It's a "guy thing". Being such a devoted fan, I have thoroughly scrutinized every book written about them. I have an extensive Three Stooges database I have created through the years. Recently I have added some fascinating figures to my database. This is esoteric information I've always desired to know and now finally have. The following figures will be germane to us ardent fans. The following data encompasses all 190 episodes the Stooges made.

Total Face Slaps: 2,695
Total Eye Pokes: 222
Total Head "Conks": 187
Total Pies Thrown: 224
Most Slaps in one Episode: 69 (Fright Night)
Most Eye Pokes in one Episode: 11 (Woman Haters) (This figure is the most pertinent to me because this is my favorite Stooge antic)

The previous statistics are just a few of the comprehensive ones I have gathered over the course of many years.

All right guys, I know you have always wondered and now you know! Moreover, most (if not all) people say my Blog never contains anything useful! That shows what you know! Unlimited praise and adorations will be gladly accepted via any of my many email addresses.

Epilogue:
I imagine most of you lady readers are now no doubt thinking, "This stuff is atrocious"! I must point out that I had a disclaimer at the onset and I must reiterate. It's "A Guy Thing". If you ladies are really serious about trying to understanding all this, you will have to get a testosterone plus an anabolic steroid injection. BOING! Upon pondering this concluding point, at my age, I think I will get in line for one of those injections too! Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk ;-)

Mike

Electronic Apron Strings

In my last post, I mentioned schools having web sites these days. In keeping with this electronic theme, I shall now examine the subject of cell phones. I am really into all sorts of electronic gizmos these days and wished we had had them back "in my day".

However, the one exception to this desire is cell phones. Cell phones are not bad in themselves, but I was amazed to learn recently that most every kid has one. When I was a kid, the last thing I needed or desired was to have a means of communication from home. The main reason for this is due to the things I did and the places I went. For example, if I had had a cell phone at school, I would have been caught doing all kinds of "shady" things that I normally got away with.

I can imagine my mother calling me at school on my cell phone:

RING RING....... This is your mother calling. You haven't lost your lunch money have you!

Me... Absolutely not! (I would never have admitted that I lost it that morning playing marbles at recess and losing a 25 cent bet that I could roll one of my marbles and hit my opponent's marble 175 feet away).

Mom... You wore your coat outside for recess like I told you to, didn't you? You know it's -6 and the wind chill is -45

Me... Sure mom, I'm not stupid you know. (In order to impress my guy friends that I was a real man, I never wore my coat outside at recess).

Mom... Now do like I told you this morning and come straight home from school because Aunt Horetense is going to be here.

Me... I would really like to, but I asked my teacher if we both could stay after school for some private tutoring in spelling, which you know is my worse subject. (Actually, I had detention for not wearing my coat outside for recess).

Mom... Well, OK. You're such a little angel!

Me... I sure am Mom. Well the bell just rang and I wouldn't want to be late for class. Bye Bye mommy dearest. (I sure couldn't tell her I have to go and hide in the restroom during spelling which was my worse subject).

Now that I think about it, I'm sure thankful that cell phones were not invented way back "in my day".
M I K E

High Tech Homework Avoidance

Earlier today, I was doing some "spring cleaning" of all of my superfluous bookmark links. I'm sure we all have these in our web browsers. While checking all the links to see whether they were still operational, I checked out several websites I haven't been to in a long time.

One bookmarked web site I went to was our local high school. They have a great web site and I enjoyed browsing through it. It's amazing how high tech is influencing our daily lives. I pondered the pros and cons if we had had a school web site in my day. The best pro I would have enjoyed would have been sending anonymous crank emails to our high school principal and teachers. I can think of one example email I would have loved to have sent to my high school English teacher:

From: John Q. Student
To: sophie@berlinhtsschool.ed
Subject: You

Hey Sophie! I think you are too cruel to all of us students in your 4th period English class and that you are a cranky old bag. Just to really bug you, I'm going to use improper English on purpose. Heey, yu,.. eye thnk of u whenever Ie usse wrog speling or gramer. I realy lik to use dangling partysipels to. U aint never ganna know who this iss. I'm even going to give you my name and you will NEVER EVER be able to figure out who I am because I'm going to misspell it on purpose. YOU OLD BAG. HA HA!
Mikke Tillinghaste

On the con side, I noticed a section that listed homework assignments from each teacher. This would have really caused me much trouble. Since I rarely did homework, this would have nailed me for sure, because I could no longer use the lame excuse that I didn't know what the assignment was. On the other hand, since I was a genius in coming up with award winning lame excuses, I could still have circumvented the on line homework assignments. I would have said that I tried to download the homework assignment, but since I only have dial up Internet access, the assignment had not completed downloading at the time I had to leave for school.

Now that I think about it, it was probably just as well we didn't have the Internet in those days. Hence, I can honesty say that things were indeed better in the "Good Ole Days" at least as far as homework assignments go.
mike {;0)>

“TOEING” THE LINE

It has been said that truth is stranger than fiction. I have certainly observed the truth of this platitude over the years.

For example, we all are familiar with the comic strip cat "Garfield". Since I like cats so much, I always make it a point to read it every day. One of our house cats is an orange tiger and looks a lot like "Garfield". His name is “Punky”, aka “Little Orange” ska (sometimes known as) "THAT DARN CAT!!!”

All cartoon characters have certain characteristics that are exaggerated. With "Garfield", it’s sleeping upside down on his back with his feet sticking up and his rear toes bent. At any rate, I have always thought that was just a cartoon thing. However, I was very surprised when I saw “Punky” sleeping the same way as Garfield i.e. upside down with feet in the air and rear toes bent. This time I snapped a photo and posted it below. Truth is indeed stranger than fiction!

Cats Don’t Grow on Trees

I just returned from the barn after feeding the horses and cats. As a rule, a certain number of barn cats always run away, get sick, or get run over in the road, etc., which thins out the population by natural means. However, this immutable modus operandi has not been the case for the last several months. I’ve had 17 barn cats since last spring and I still have 17. It’s apparent that all the cats are happy and content and have no need nor desire to seek happiness and contentment else where. I have always liked cats, but 17 of them are a bit too many even for me.

Most people wonder why I don’t practice unnatural population control and instead of cat food, give them a diet of “lead”. Oddly enough, I have no difficulty shooting varmints such as raccoons, woodchucks, skunks (only at a great distance using my military issue high powered rifle with a powerful scope), rats, mice, or even lions and tigers and bears (Oh My!). For some reason I have never been able to shoot cats, nor do I have any future plans to do so.

One reason among many I choose to keep all of them is because every time I go into the barn, all 17 cats start to meow and gather around my feet which makes any further walking very difficult, indeed. The one very valuable benefit I have gained from this is that I can now gracefully and lightly waft through and around any objects blocking my path. Just as “grasshopper” in Kung Fu learned to walk on the thin rice paper without tearing it, I have now mastered the fine art of walking through cats without squashing any of them. Among many practical applications of this rare talent is that if any bully placed several hundred eggs ahead of me in an attempt to block my path, I could walk through them without breaking any of them thus instilling both fear and awe in the mind of the bully and as a result gaining his respect and admiration. At this juncture, I must humbly state that not just anyone has the ability to do the aforementioned amazing feats. This gift is only attained by years of diligent and patient practice of wading through a solid mass of meowing cats.

I believe God has a reason for everything and He has given me this extraordinary gift of walking softly through a gaggle of cats, which contributes a very valuable service to the well being of all mankind. Cats and eggs don’t grow on trees you know!

<)Mike(>

NOW HEAR THIS!

Like most people my age, I am convinced I am getting a little hard of hearing. As a matter of fact, I'm even having trouble hearing what I'm typing. I'm going to have to type a little louder. THERE, THAT'S BETTER. NOW I CAN HEAR IT MUCH BETTER.

I RECENTLY HAD A HEARING TEST AND THEY SAID IT WAS NORMAL. I JUST DON'T BELIEVE THAT. I'M SURE THE TECHNICIAN DID NOT HAVE THE TEST EQUIPMENT CALIBRATED CORRECTLY. YEEOW! NOW I AM HAVING TROUBLE HEARING MY KEYBOARD AGAIN. AH! THAT'S BETTER.

Since I'm convinced that the hearing center did not properly adjust their hearing equipment, I'm going to request a hearing hearing and have them look into it. I should be hearing soon about the hearing hearing and if I hear anything, I will pass it along right "here", so you should be hearing something soon. This kind of mistake is unheard of, at least I've never heard of anything like this. If any of you have ever heard of this kind of thing happening, please let me hear about it. I'll be listening.
If you email me about hearing anything, please type your message in all caps, since I am getting a little hard of hearing. At least that's what I've heard lately...

mike (I think I just typed my name, but I couldn't hear the keys. If not, it's me)

"squid" pro quo

A few years ago, I got tired of microwave cuisine, so I have been doing home cooking ever since. In my case however, it could be called "homely" cooking. In fact, I now consider myself a gourmet cook. Although anyone who ends up eating my cooking would debate that title.
Lately I have desired to venture into more exotic cuisines rather than the usual dishes I whip up like home boiled hot dogs and so forth.

While I was in Norwalk the other day, I happened to drive down the "seedy" part of town and I spied an old rusty van sporting a sign that said, "Fresh Sea Food". Since the license plates were from another state, I figured that all the seafood was imported. I parked and walked up to a guy who was sitting on the rear tailgate. He was all scruffy with long greasy hair and I assumed that he was a professional fisherman. My rationale was that a typical fisherman would certainly look disheveled from days at sea. There was a sign that read "Fresh Squid". Since I hadn't had squid since I was in the Navy, I eagerly jumped at the opportunity to have it again after so many years. In spite of it being very expensive at $19.99 per pound, I nevertheless decided to splurge and get 5 pounds of it. Since he didn't accept credit cards or personal checks, it was a cash only sale. Fortunately I had enough cash to purchase my find. I excitedly rushed home in time to prepare it for supper. It was delicious and tasted a little like hot dogs, only much much better.

I went back today to get 5 more pounds but the van was gone. He probably went out fishing for more of that delicious squid!

We all enjoyed my very first gourmet meal!!! I was so proud of my accomplishment that I took a picture of my squid meal to share with all of my faithful readers in Blog Dom.

Check out my creation!...

Global Warming Where Art Thou?

I sure wish man made global warming were a fact. It's been so cold here since last night, I would pretend to believe it at least for one day, hoping "mind over matter" would make it feel warm for a change. Of course man made global warming is a myth perpetrated by the government to gain more control over the populace (that's us average folks). Even though this would be a most appropriate time to refute the greatest deception of the century, I shall digress to what is germane at the present time and effectively and categorically refute this foolishness in a future Blog posting.

It hasn't been above zero here all day and last night it was minus 13. As I was bundled up and waddling out to the barn this morning, my brother yelled something to me, probably commenting on how cold it is. Unfortunately, I heard no words at all since I'm quite certain they froze in the air. I'll have to wait until spring for the words to thaw out so I can find out what he was trying to say to me.

You know its cold when I filled the horses' water buckets with ice-cold water from the frost proof faucet and there was steam wafting from the surface of the buckets. When I finally arrived back in the house, my hands were so cold that I had to put them into the freezer to warm them up. Yeowwww! Now that is cold indeed. Not to be outdone, on the way back from the barn I saw a polar bear asking directions how to get to Miami. It could have been my imagination, but it sure seemed real to my cold numbed brain.

All right, in all seriousness, just to put all of you at ease who are convinced I have finally "gone over the edge" and that I am seeing delusions, I must admit that I didn't really see a polar bear asking directions to Miami. (It was a penguin).
Later...

~~MiKe~~

WHAT’S IN A NAME?

I have recently been pondering the subject of first names and how they have changed over the years. When I checked the Internet for popular boy’s and girl’s names in 2008, I found all kinds of cool names. I really like the names that parents give kids these days. I also did a check of popular boy’s and girl’s names in 1948, which is my era. I found the following top 10 names:

2008
Boys:
Aiden
Ethan (My favorite name of all) (My grandson’s name)
Noah
Caleb
Braydon
Jacob
Landon (The name I picked out in 1980 for our deceased son)
Liam
Lucas

Girls:
Ava (Great name, indeed)
Isabella
Madeline
Abigail
Olivia
Lilly
Sophia
Chloe
Ella

1948
Boys:
James
Robert
John
William
David
Michael (The best name of all)
Richard
Thomas
Charles
Ronald

Girls:
Linda
Mary
Barbara
Patricia
Susan
Sandra
Nancy
Carol
Sharon
Kathleen

All in all, I think kids' names today are much better than they used to be. I always wished my name was a bit different (to match my personality). Some of the first names for me I would rather have had are the following: “Best”, “Greatest” “Wonderful”, “Cool”, “Genius”, etc.
So what’s in a name anyhow?

Mike (alias: “Best”, “Greatest” “Wonderful”, “Cool”, “Genius”, etc.) ;-)>

A "CEO" BARRIER?

These days it is extremely difficult if not impossible to find any electronics made in the USA. There are some reasons for this; however, this is not my scope for this treatise. Perhaps I will get into that subject on a later post.

My emphasis this time is to point out something that has always puzzled me. On the one hand is my befuddlement as to why manufacturers don't make the instructions for their products clearer and more easily understood. Be that as it may, on the other hand, why are there so many spelling and grammatical errors in the vague instructions?

I shall point out a case in point. I received a small portable heart monitor today to use with my recumbent stationary exercise bike. Like most electronic gadgets these days, there are all kinds of electronic readings with this thing. After pondering the vague instructions, I did what I always do with useless instructions these days; I figured it out for myself since some of the features were not even mentioned in the so-called "instructions". If that weren't bad enough, the instructions were infested with incomplete sentences and several misspellings. Since this little electronic marvel was made in some "sweat shop" in Taiwan, I could understand the problems if the instructions were composed by some Taiwanese guy since some foreign language terms do not always translate well into English. I've noticed this is especially true for Asian languages. Now the aforementioned is bad enough, but even the outside of the box had a blatant misspelling of the word "weight". Check it out in the photo. I have underlined the blatantly misspelled word "weinght" (i.e. "weight") with a red line. Although this product is made in Taiwan, it is manufactured for an American company in Minneapolis! I would think that the CEO's would have at least sent a copy of the instructions to the Taiwanese "sweat shop" with proper English to print.

Alas, another mystery that could be so easily rectified...

A HEAT WAVE!

Since it is near 12 degrees outside, this presents yet another auspicious occasion for me to whip up another batch of my famous "4 Alarm Hotsy Totsy Chili", which is guaranteed to warm both the inside and outside of anyone who has the courage to eat a bowl. (Or even a teaspoon.)

Now that it is simmering away on the range, I shall take this opportunity to make a quick entry in my Blog. For more details about my famous chili, I invite you to peruse an earlier story I posted on my web site germane to this subject.
http://www.quarterhorse3.us/a_chili_reception.html

:::MIKE:::

Exercising and Not Getting Anywhere

My physician recently informed me that my cholesterol was too high and that I’m at risk for heart problems. I’m not too concerned because my psychiatrist has been telling me for years that I am at risk for brain problems. Nevertheless, I’m still as mentally sound as I have ever been. (Rebuttals will be accepted for the next 2 minutes). I have recently started to take “industrial strength” prescription fish oil in addition to several “over the counter” herbs like flaxseed oil and a bunch of other stuff that promises not only to dramatically lower my cholesterol, but will also cure my arthritis and will make my body and prostate gland immortal.

My physician also said I need to exercise during the winter months. As a result, I recently purchased a stationary bike. It’s a recumbent which means I can practically lay down when I am using it which sounds good to me. I used to ride my “non stationary” “non recumbent” bike all over the place, but I eventually found it was too dangerous due to all the traffic on the highways these days. Now I can pedal away in the safety of my own living room with the only danger being the possibility that one of the cats or my foot getting caught in the revolving spokes.

My new recumbent stationary exercise bike also has the latest electronic “bells and whistles”. It tells me how many miles I’ve “ridden”, the time “ridden”, miles per hour, and heart rate (which is something I’d rather not know). It even has a cup holder (What thing doesn’t these days). This will come in handy to park my lard and butter milkshakes while I’m “riding”.

I’m intending to use it daily. I’m hoping by this summer I will have bulging muscles and the heart and arteries of a 5 year old (to match my brain) so I can finally look forward to going to the beach and not have some muscle bound guy kick sand in my face. Up till now, I have been the world’s foremost authority on the study of the effects of swallowing sand.

See you at the beach this summer. (I’ll be the guy with the sand covered face).

===Mike===

Cartoon Physics

In the last posting I looked at Hollywood 1950s westerns physics. I will now ponder cartoon physics. This is where the laws of physics really take a back flip.

I shall illustrate cartoon physics with my all time favorite cartoons, The Coyote and the Road Runner. In my opinion these are the funniest cartoons ever made. If I were stranded on a desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and asked what one DVD I could take with me, it would be the Road Runner. However, with my fading gray matter, I would likely forget to take a DVD player and probably a TV as well! In addition, even if I did remember all these accoutrements, I would have no source of electricity to operate them. My only hope would be to try and recall every episode of Gilligan’s Island since the professor would surely have had an electric power generating plant made from palm tree logs and drift wood. Oh well, be that as it may, now to the subject at hand.

The Coyote and the Road Runner cartoons comprise all of the cartoon physics. For example:

One - When the coyote paints a picture of a tunnel through a mountain, the road runner passes right through it. When the coyote tries to go through the painted tunnel, KAZAM!

Two - All cartoon characters have the ability to defy gravity and walk in mid air, until they realize it and then suddenly the law of gravity kicks in and they immediately fall to earth. The universal exception to this law is the “good guys” who are being pursued by the “bad guys”. The falls of great distances never result in any injuries.

Three – All characters have to ability to get hit by boulders, trains, trucks, automobiles, etc. and only see stars thus avoiding any injuries. The only consequence of being hit by a giant boulder or safe is an accordion effect on the body which passes when the next scene starts.

Four – All characters have the ability of being injury free when being shot by guns, cannons, explosions, etc. The only visible consequence is a black sooty face.

Five – My all time favorite cartoon physics is when anyone’s nose gets pinched, it always honks like an old time car horn.

Well, I’ve only given this subject a perfunctory treatment. There are many more instances of cartoon physics. The main thing about these is that they are funny, very funny indeed, and that’s the bottom line.

It is very unfortunate that one rarely if ever sees any good old fashioned Looney Tunes broadcast any more. Fortunately, I have recently acquired 6 volumes of Looney Tunes DVDs with some Road Runner cartoons! I’m now going to watch a few as soon as I post this which will be immediately since after contemplating this thesis, I am approaching cartoon “paradise”!
(((MIKE)))

Hollywood Westerns Physics

I recently purchased a DVD set with 150 old 1950s television westerns for $10.00. Great stuff! Included are a few episodes of Annie Oakley, The Cisco Kid, Lone Ranger, etc. Just the thing for a nostalgic Baby Boomer like me.

While watching some of the same episodes I watched as a kid, I noticed several things that never occurred to me from my "kid prospective" when I first watched them in the 1950s. I have entitled my observation, "The Physics of 1950s TV Westerns".

1. When bullets hit any object, they always ricochet. This includes trees, rocks, wood, bare earth, anything, and everything.

2. When an outlaw is being pursued and they run out of bullets, they always throw the empty six-shooter at the "good guy" who is running after them. However, I have never seen them hit by the tossed six-shooter since they always duck at the last second.

3. When anyone gets into a fistfight, the "smack" sound is always the same and after repeated punches, no one's jaw is ever broken.

4. During a gun battle, usually among big rocks, they can fire their six shooters for hours without having to stop and reload.

5. Whenever anyone is stranded in the desert and runs out of water they always yell, "Its empty!", and angrily throw their empty canteen on the ground and keep walking. I've always wondered what they would do if they later found a water hole. They would have no way to store water for the remainder of the trek through the desert.

6. When the "bad guys" are finally apprehended and locked up in jail, there are never any bathrooms in them. I always assumed they "crossed their legs" until the trial or the lynching by the local town people, whichever came first.

Oh, well, now that I'm older and watch this kind of cool stuff, I mainly enjoy the nostalgia of watching some of the things from my childhood. I'm too busy being entertained to continually dwell on such things. On the other hand, I have to wonder...

On my next Blog entry, I will examine the topic of "Cartoon Physics".

Riding off in the sun set...

mike

A True Christmas Classic!

Like most people, I always watch all of the classic Christmas movies this time of year. I have always enjoyed watching A Christmas Carol, It’s a Wonderful Life, Scrooge, etc. However, my all time favorite Christmas movie is always overlooked. It is indeed a classic and I have never understood why it is very difficult, to find on VHS or DVD. Fortunately, I have a DVD copy. The title is Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. One of the all time classics, indeed. If you don’t have a copy of this masterpiece, you can still get one before Christmas. The best place to find it is either in bargain bins at lesser known discount stores in smaller deep jungle villages in Africa, or the place I found it, at the landfill.

It’s sad that so many people in this society just don’t know what a good Christmas movie is. I guess I’m one of the very few that have highly refined tastes relative to this subject.

Hmmm, I wonder if it is illegal to watch DVD Christmas movies in the summer. If I ever do indeed plan to watch these movies in the summer, I would definitely watch them very late at night with curtains drawn and doors locked so as to avoid any night time raids by the off season Christmas movie police. Now that I think about it, whenever I watch my DVD Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, I always watch it late at night with curtains drawn and doors locked. And that is only during the Christmas season when it's legal!

mike

Confession of a “Fugitive”

I stopped at a fast food joint this afternoon and the cashier rang up my purchase with the senior discount! I saved 60 cents. I was surprised that she just assumed I was qualified since I didn’t “flash” my new Golden Buckeye Card or ask for the senior discount. I guess I just look like a “senior citizen”. I was nervous about accepting the discount. The reason was that I am not officially a “senior citizen” yet because my 60th birthday is on the 22nd of this month!

YIKES! I sure hope the “Taco Bell Gestapo” does not find out and start an investigation and find that I won’t officially be a senior citizen until Monday of next week. I’d sure hate to get arrested and put in a maximum security cell block with those who tear off mattress tags or spit on the sidewalk. I guess I’ll just have to live in fear and keep looking over my shoulder until Monday. If you want to call or visit me, please wait until at least next Tuesday because I will not be answering my phone or door since I am going to keep a “low profile” until then when in the eyes of the the State of Ohio and Taco Bell, I will be an official “senior citizen”, which is a polite politically correct way of formerly calling people “old codgers”.

Pssst, if you stop at the Taco Bell in Norwalk before next Monday, please don’t mention my name or my description because they will certainly recall that distinguished tall handsome guy with the cool Jeep Wrangler who was there on this date and was given the senior discount.

Thanks, I knew I could count on you…

Your soon to be a “senior citizen”… (Name withheld until 12:01 AM December 22nd).

Safe Surfing Freebie

Hey beloved and loyal Blog readers, its time once again to post something actually useful for a change.

As we all know, the Internet is a very dangerous place these days. Among the hundreds of email newsletters I regularly receive, many are on the subject of Internet dangers including malware, viruses, etc. There are thousands of very malicious and insidious things out there in the cyber world, my friends.

Among the many things I use to help make my surfing safe, one of the best safety guards is SiteAdvisor by McAfee. It works great and is totally free. It checks each site you open for phishing, malware, spam distribution, and other aggravating things one is in danger of while surfing.

If the site you are visiting is safe, then the SiteAdvisor bar is green. If it is a dangerous site, the bar turns red. Any site not yet tested the bar turns yellow. One of the best things is that the program is integrated with the major search engines such as Yahoo and Google.

Below is an actual pic of my Explorer page with the program in operation indicated by the red arrow in the upper left hand corner.

Check out the SiteAdvisor site for details and free down load. It sure can't hurt and it's free!
http://www.siteadvisor.com/

((((MIKE))))

Another Installment to my Ongoing "Cereal"

I was at the supermarket this morning and got some fixins' for Crockpot "Hobo Stew". I thought this stew was fitting because I'm once again "bummed out" because as usual I looked in vain for my favorite breakfast food, Puffed Wheat and Rice. I haven't seen it on the shelves for ages. I believe this is yet one more conspiracy against us baby boomers by the younger generation who just do not know what good stuff is. One of my theories is that since Puffed Wheat and Rice is "shot from guns", the younger generation is trying to ban all guns, which greatly aggravates my NRA genes.

These same people perpetrated yet another major conspiracy. They dropped lime Life Savers and substituted watermelon or some such obnoxious flavor. They have done this with several of the old time cherry, lemon, and orange flavors of most formerly good stuff.

Alas, what is this world coming to...?

mike

It’s Official!

I just received my Golden Buckeye Card in the mail today. I’m now officially a “Senior Citizen”, at least as far as the State of Ohio is concerned. I don’t feel like a Senior Citizen, and heaven knows I sure don’t act like one! From now on I expect all of you to treat me with the respect due to the older generation. At the very top of the list is to always let me be right and never contradict me because it’s disrespectful to your elders.

Hurray, now I have free reign to state my opinions and no one will dare disagree with me. YIKES!!! In light of what I just said, it sounds like I also have something else that comes with being a Senior Citizen; the onset of Alzheimer’s!!!!!

((((Mike))))

Christmas Traditions

Now that the Christmas holiday season is upon us, I thought I would spread some Christmas cheer. We all think back to our Christmas experiences we had as kids. I think it would be fun to share my family's Christmas traditions and memories when I was a kid.

When I was a kid back in the 1950s (YIKES! That was a long time ago now that I think about it), Christmas was THE day that my twin brother and younger sister and I were in the state of sheer bliss! It was a Nirvana-like state. On Christmas Eve, our parents would go to Norwalk to my maternal grandparent's house. Their tradition was to open all their presents on Christmas Eve. We kids always wished that we could open all of our stuff on Christmas Eve, but alas, it never came to pass.

Meanwhile, at home my fraternal grandmother "Ollie" had an old Irish family tradition of having oyster stew and apple pie on Christmas Eve. She insisted that we kids at least take a "taste" of the wretched concoction. I held my nose and took a microscopic few molecules of it. The taste almost ruined Christmas for me. However, I persevered every year. Ironically enough, I am the only one of our generation that has kept up the tradition all these years, albeit I'm the only one that consumes any Christmas Eve oyster stew. Through the years, I have actually acquired a (small) taste for oyster stew.

Our parents would wait until we kids were in bed before they left for Norwalk to engage in a night of unbridled revelry, which consisted of imbibing quite liberally with spiked eggnog and other "spirits" late into the night.

On Christmas morning way before dawn, we kids would be up. Our tradition was that it had to be dark when we opened presents. It took forever to rouse our parents from their bed to come down and join us since they insisted we wait for them. In later years I finally figured out the reason why it was so hard to get them up before dawn, namely, they both had terrific hangovers!

Later in the afternoon, we had a gigantic meal, usually ham with all the "fixin's'".


Oh, hey, an idea just popped into my head. How about you my loyal Blog readers sending me your childhood Christmas traditions and memories for me to post here on my Blog to share with all of us! I do not need to know who you are; just use your first name or an alias. You can email them to me at
zukeyjuice-mikesblog@yahoo.com
Be sure to put "Christmas Blog Entry" in the "Subject" line because I get a horde of emails about my Blog and we wouldn't want to miss your experiences here. Just think of the EXCITEMENT and PRESTIGE for you my former passive readers actually contributing to my renowned Blog!!!!

The picture below is of us kids on Christmas Eve in 1956 when I was 8. Our stockings are hanging up behind us, Tim and I still hang these same stockings every Christmas Eve. However, at our age Santa has started filling them with things like Geritol, Metamucil, etc. Note the cat I am holding. I have a life-long love of any animal, especially cats. I remember posing for this picture as if it was yesterday.

Be watching my Web Site for some new Christmas stories coming up!!!

M

i

k

e

A Change of "Pace"

YIKES! I just noticed that the last few of my Blog entries have actually been practical and useful. I sure wouldn't want word to get out that I am serious and rational. Therefore, I shall immediately get "back in my groove" of being abstract, off the wall, pedantic, esoteric, arcane, compulsive, and a bunch of other superlatives too numerous to mention here.

Since my satellite radio is always on the 60's channel, I am bombarded with ubiquitous 60's music. As a Baby Boomer, I can imagine if all of the 60's songs were re released today, they would have to change the titles. Just a small sample of the new likely new titles would be the following:

Paul Simon - "Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver"
Carly Simon - "You're So Varicose Vein"
The Bee Gees - "How Can You Mend a Broken Hip"
Roberta Flack- "The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face"
Johnny Nash- "I Can't See Clearly Now"
The Temptations - "Papa Got a Kidney Stone"
Nancy Sinatra - "These Boots Give Me Arthritis"
ABBA - "Denture Queen"
Leo Sayer - "You Make Me Feel Like Napping"
Commodores - "Once, Twice, Three Trips to the Bathroom"
Procol Harem - "A Whiter Shade of Hair"
The Beatles- "I Get By with a Little Help From Depends"
Steely Dan - "Rikki Don't Lose Your Car Keys"
Herman's Hermits - "Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Walker"
The Rolling Stones - "You Can't Always Pee When You Want"
Credence Clearwater Revival - "Bad Prune Rising"
Marvin Gaye- "I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts"
The Who - "Talkin' 'Bout My Medication"
The Troggs - "Bald Thing"
The Rolling Stones - "119th Nervous Breakdown"
The Beach Boys - "She's Real Fine My Formula 9"
The Beatles - "Day Dripper"
The Beatles - "Penny Lame"
The Surfaris – "Wiped Out"
Bob Dylan – "Knockin' on Bathroom's Door"
The Beatles – "I Don't Feel Fine"
Herb Alpert – "A Taste of Geritol"
Gerry and the Pacemakers – One of our fastest growing popular groups from the past.

Epilog... "Big John" by Jimmie Dean is presently emanating on the 60's channel on my satellite radio. Do any of you 60's music aficionadas
know what song was on the "B" side. (It was, "I won't Go Huntin' With You Jake"). This paradox never ceases to amaze me; I can vividly remember something like this from 47 years ago, but I can't remember anything from 47 seconds ago. RATS, I have to run to the bathroom right now...
"Keep on Rockin' in the "Pee" World"...
+=Mike=+

Wishin' Ya a Happy Thanksgiving

On this Thanksgiving eve, I have the turkey breast thawing and looking forward to preparing a good old fashion Thanksgiving meal tomorrow. Not that the rest of the world cares, or that I care what they think, but I have always been aggravated by the trend in the last few years of referring to Thanksgiving as "Turkey Day". It is a day set aside to show thanks to our Creator, not just a day to have a turkey meal. Be that as it may, I will lay aside espousing my personal beliefs and aspirations (for now). In honor of Thanksgiving, I am posting a link to one of my old stories from my massive story archives, which is germane to Thanksgiving. I hope you will enjoy it.
www.quarterhorse3.us/thanksgiving_turkey_tales.html
Counting my countless blessings...
~<>~<>~<>~
Mike
~<>~<>~<>~

More Paradoxical Conclusions

In my previous Blog entry, I pondered the thesis of foods that cats desire and why they do. In this Blog entry, I will state another paradox germane to the insect kingdom.

One of my least favorite subjects has always been biology. I did not enjoy it in high school or college. However, I did have one high point in college biology class when the professor allowed us to do some independent research on the topic of our choice.

Since there was a gaggle of grasshoppers in the biology lab, I pondered experimenting to determine the auditory ability of grasshoppers. Since all kids are referred to as being "cute as a bug's ear", I was determined to test by the scientific method the thesis to determine if bugs have ears. I donned my lab coat and retrieved a grasshopper from the grasshopper hopper. I placed the grasshopper on the lab counter, clapped my hands, and yelled, "JUMP". The grasshopper jumped right off the counter. At this stage in my experiment, I observed that grasshoppers could indeed hear. I then removed its right rear leg and repeated the experiment by clapping my hands and yelling "JUMP". It still jumped off the counter. I progressed to the point where I removed the other three legs, clapped my hands, and yelled, "JUMP". This time the grasshopper remained perfectly still. I repeated the process several times by clapping my hands and yelling "JUMP". Subsequent to this experimentation, I formulated the obvious conclusion that grasshoppers in deed have ears and can hear. However, if all of their legs are removed, it causes deafness. I sent the results of my experiment to the scholarly periodical "Bug Times". Oddly enough, that was over 38 years ago and I have yet to hear from them. I'm now convinced it was just another example of professional jealousy since I was the one who first discovered this. I have since given up on any further insect experimentation after I discovered that in the field of entomology it is a "Bug eat bug" world.

Addendum: I did have dealings with grasshoppers earlier in life. These dealings can be found in the dusty archives of my old web site stories. Check this out: www.quarterhorse3.us/grasshopper.html

(()) MIKE (()) ;-o

Another Paradox

I have just returned from the market with a whole bunch of canned cat food. I usually buy fish flavored cat food for the house cats because they like it better than the other flavors. At least they eat about 90% of each serving, which is a much better average than with any other flavor. It is my contention that they like the fish cat food the best because the Creator designed them to catch fish. In addition, they are also divinely created to catch mice. I've often wondered why no one makes mouse flavored cat food, which would be very desirable to cats along with fish cat food. One possible reason is that it would "gross out" some cat owners. Another reason may be that no one knows what a mouse taste like. It is highly unlikely that anyone can find human volunteers to eat a raw mouse to ascertain the taste. Then there's the problem of trying to isolate that taste and finding a chemically based artificial taste.

Since my cats don't seem to like beef or liver flavored cat food, I have surmised that the reason for this is that they are not designed to capture and eat cattle or to find any liver lying around.

Now, I shall state the paradox. Since cats are designed to catch and consume fish and mice, consequently, they have an affinity for the taste of fish and mice. Conversely, fish would seemingly not have an affinity for worms because worms are not indigenous to living under water. Yet, they eagerly go after a worm baited hook. The only conclusion I can conclude is that fish do not have taste buds.

In conclusion, my regular readers can readily tell what season it is without referring to a calendar because since it is winter, I have way too much time on my hands. Well - Someone has to ask questions and ponder things like this.
^^*MiKe*^^

How to "Reproduce" Without the Birds and the Bees.

Now that I have everyone's attention, I will now reveal something I mentioned in my previous Blog entry. Namely, how to capture any screen image and post it, keep it, print it, use it as desktop wallpaper, or anything else your fertile imagination my take you.

If you desire to capture a screen shot, hit "shift" and "Prt Scr". Then open Paint and click "Edit" "Paste". Presto! The screen shot will appear in bmp. If you have image editing software, you can convert it to jpg, gif, or whatever. You can also paste it into Word. Cool, eh. You can use the "save as" .jpg, gif, etc. in Paint, but the image will be much better if you convert it with your preferred image editing software. This is especially applicable if you desire to convert it to the gif format because I've pragmatically discovered that Paint doesn't "play well" with gif conversions.

As to the derivation of the "Prt Scr" (Print Screen) key, I believe it is a recessive trait from DOS. My rationale is based on the fact that it never works with Windows because it never prints the screen. (Even with the printer on).

Well, there you have it, yet another esoteric tip from the vast wasteland of my Lithium-laden gray matter. Oh Oh! I just remembered that I have Bill Gates on hold on my cell phone. He has a question concerning how to print something... (Lithuim-laden, indeed).
Later...

{:~/

"Highlighting" My Point

As I surf my way around the Internet, I'm always amazed at how many poorly designed web sites I come across. Of course, if everyone would have a web site design as well as mine there wouldn't be any problems. :-)

The biggest frustration I encounter is dark lettering on a dark background, which makes the text very difficult to read. Another aggravation is words or links that have such small letters that they are very difficult to see. I have found the solution to these problems, other than letting me design all of the web sites in the world.

When you see these problems, just highlight the text with your mouse and all of the text will show up in white with a dark background, thus making things much clearer. This is a good antidote for the epidemic lack of common sense some web designers show these days.

Note the illustration of an actual poorly designed web site before and after highlighting with the mouse. (For the purpose of not embarrassing the designer, I have blotted out some information). (IT'S NOT MY SITE)

I'll bet some of you are wondering how I reproduced a pic of an actual web page. Do not miss my next thrilling Blog entry where I will show how to capture a screen shot of any web page, or any screen shot for that matter, with out having to use some expensive software application. We Windows users already have the software in Windows that Bill Gates never told you about. However, I will. Mike :~)

Another "Baby Boomer" Alert

Hey Fellow Baby Boomers. Check out this "Blast From The Past"! I'll bet this stirs up some memories!!! Beer makes you smarter, it made "Bud wiser". (We all remember that lame pun don't we????)

MiKe {:-o

A "Snow" Job!!!

EGAD! Just as I am about to make the long trek to the barn to feed the horses and the cats, I noticed it just started to snow! The forecast is for 1 to 2 inches for tonight! I've always dreaded the first snowfall of the year because that is the start of snow for the next few months. The first snow for me is akin to the onset of a toothache that will be abscessed for the next 5 months. To say I loath winter would be the biggest understatement since General Custer said, "Don't worry men; I'm sure these are friendly Indians".

If I didn't have so many roots around here, I would have moved to Florida years ago. (All right Jim, NO gloating)! :-)

Oh well, the best I can do is to persevere until spring as I have done for the last 59 years. I must share my misery, so I am posting a picture of the start of the snowfall that I took about 30 minutes ago.

Later...

M M M M M M M Mike ((((S S S S S Sorry about that gang, I get so so so nervous when I see snow that I start to st st st st stutter)))))

Even More Things Bill Gates Never Told You

Most, if not all of us, use MS Word and just love the "Spell Checker" feature. I use it quite often. Now don't get the idea I'm bad at spelling. The problem is that I get to typing so fast that it shorts out the typing key signals and results in many misspelled words even though I hit the correct keys. (If you believe that, I have some prime swampland building lots in Louisiana I can sell you). Don't you wish you had a spell checker like MS Word for Blog entries, chat sessions, news group postings, and anything else you type on a web form? Well, fans, you can have one! Go check out: www.iespell.com/. I've used this for quite a while and it works great! It even looks like MS Word "spell check". (I suspect Bill Gates is "moonlighting" because he needs the extra money to buy a Mac lap top with MS Office 2008). This little free applet sure beats going to night school and taking remedial spelling or typing or using a dictionary while I type.

You will never again be embarrassed by misspelled words on web page forms, which is akin to "the heartbreak of psoriasis". From now on, people will think you are very intelligent. It works for me (if they only knew...)
mike

"Grounds" for a Conspiracy?

I read several on line news sites each day and noticed that school grounds are now referred to as the school "campus". When I was a kid, school grounds were called school grounds or school property and never a "campus". I'm not sure when they became the school "campus". When I was in college and graduate school, the grounds were and are referred to the campus. I thought only colleges were authorized to use campus.

Even hospital areas are now called the hospital "campus". Here again, when I was a kid the hospital area was collectively called "the hospital".

Oh, hey, wait! I just looked up "campus" in the New American Dictionary (on line, of course), and I now quote the definition, "The grounds of a school, college, university, or hospital". Well, there you have it. I stand corrected, or do I? Hmmm, I wonder how an older dictionary defined "campus". I will have to check and see if there has been some kind of conspiracy that changed the definition of "campus" to include school and hospital grounds. I seem to find conspiracies in most things these days. Now and then, I am indeed proved to be correct. I shall continue my investigation and post the definitive results. Meanwhile, I will continue to refer to every school and hospital area as "grounds" until I am shown to be incorrect. (OK, maybe this time of year I will admit I have too much time on my hands)(However, this gives me more time to exhaustively study and expose conspiracies).

MiKe {;-]

Memorandum Entry

I just remembered it was Veteran's Day. I realized this when I walked the 300 feet to my mailbox and discovered there was no mail. In honor of this day, I just cannot resist reaching way back into the dusty archives of my web site stories to one of my many military experiences. Check out this true story I posted several years ago:
www.quarterhorse3.us/sharpasaneedle.html
Anchors Aweigh...
M~I~K~E

Relatively Speaking

My High School principal recently passed away. His name was Roy Garland aka "Bobo". He was 78 when he died. In doing some quick math, he was 36 in 1966 when I was a senior at age 17; he looked"old" to me then. Now, if I see someone who is 36, they look very young as a result of my present "flirting with 60" perspective. This is the result of what I call KPS i.e. "Kid's Perspective Syndrome". This syndrome shows why people who were young then looked very "old" to us when we were kids. This also explains why things that looked very large to us as kids now look small to us as adults. It is all about perspective. To illustrate, think back when you lived at home and then returned home after being away for a long time at college, the military, etc. The house now looks much smaller to you, which, of course is due to KPS.

Because of my KPS theory, I have done observations over the years and have been amazed. Every year I take a fall tour through our local cemetery where most of my family and old family friends are interred. I usually take a pocket calculator with me and note when people I knew as a kid were born. I then figure the year when I was a kid and subtract the year they were born. It always amazes me that most of them were in their 20's or early 30's then. They all looked very old and gray to me then. This, of course is in accordance with my KPS theory.

There are, however, some rare exceptions to my KPS theory. The biggest one by far is my old High School English teacher, Miss Purcell. When I was in High School in 1963 to 1966, she looked very old then. When I saw her 30 years later at one of our alumni banquets, she still looked the same. Apparently, she was locked in some sort of time warp, or maybe I am. After all, without exception everyone who knows me always says I haven't changed one bit from High School and that I have never acted my age. Not then and not now. As a result, after much testing, I have coined yet another syndrome. MBWS (Mike's Brain Warp Syndrome).

=+Mike+= {;-]

"Drive By" Entry

Hey gang, just a quick post. I finally got around to posting a new story on my web site. Those of you who have not stumbled onto my famous web site or true stories yet, this will give you a chance to check it out (if you dare). Oh, here's the new story link: www.quarterhorse3.us/stretching_the_facts.html
Gotta run, have to feed the horses and cats...
^^^MiKe^^^

"HORNING" IN ON MY DAY

This morning as I was walking through the Drug Mart parking lot, I heard a few staccato horns "beeps". I always look to see if someone who knows me is trying to get my attention so they can wave at me. When I hear the "beep", I always look around but never recognize anyone. I then realize that the "beep" is just the sound that assures some one that when they close their vehicle door and leave it that this signals that the auto alarm is armed. I have never had an auto alarm so I'm not used to the horn sound. Nevertheless, I always look involuntarily. I guess I'm afraid that someday it will indeed be someone trying to get my attention so they can wave at me. If I don't look, they will think I'm "stuck up" and take offense. After leaving a large parking lot, when I get home, I usually have a stiff neck from all the looking in response to the dozens of "beeps" but never seeing anyone I recognize.

Well, I will keep looking around just in case because you just never know who it might be...

The "Daze" of My Dreams!

Well, the time changed back to EST yesterday. I never liked the time change back to EST because, in the past, I would end up feeding the horses in the dark both morning and evening before going to the office and after getting home. Now that I'm retired, I can always feed the horses in daylight both morning and evening. In fact, I just got back from the barn at 5:02 PM before it started getting dark. This is so much better since I don't have to trip over all of the barn cats in the dim lights in the stable. Which reminded me of one of my original sayings, among many. This one has to do with my retirement that I shall recite now...

Ah, Retirement!
When every day is a Saturday,
And every night is a Friday night,
And every day is a holiday,
And every holiday is just another day!

I'd venture to say that no one has ever looked more forward to or now enjoys retirement as much as I do! In fact, I created an Excel program that automatically counted down the years, weeks, days, minutes, down to the very second until my retirement. I started this countdown 4 years before I retired and proudly announced the days I had left to go every morning I came into the office for 4 years! On the day of my retirement a few years ago, I loudly counted down to zero and immediately walked out of the office for the last time. Working for the county for 28.251 years never made me rich, but the benefits were well worth waiting for, indeed! I don't know the exact time right down to the second that I have been retired, it only mattered before I retired...
::Mike:: {;-)